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Breaking

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Housing Day

Confused Blocking Group Sorted into Cabot Library

Harvard Science Center and Cabot Science Library

Cambridge, MA –– Amid the raucous Housing Day festivities, one blocking group was left in a state of confusion after getting placed in the Cabot Science Library for the next three years.

While others around their entryway were stormed by screaming upperclassmen in various states of undress and insobriety, Jason R. McManus '21 and his blocking group were left with nothing but a note slipped under their door by a Securitas guard informing them of their housing results.

Freshman Almost Convinces Herself She's Happy To Be In The Quad

CAMBRIDGE, MA -– The desirability of river houses compared to the Quad is widely recognized by Harvard students within weeks of beginning freshman year. However, despite overwhelming evidence of the Quad’s inferiority, recent investigations have found that it is possible for a delusional mindset to set in following Housing Day; some students, such as newly-minted Pforzheimer resident Eliza Elliott ’19, actually believe they are pleased to be there.

I'm So Nervous About Housing Day

By Cognitive Dissonance

Here we go. The big day. I know I’m supposed to be really excited, but I just can’t seem to get myself into the right mood. I have a midterm tomorrow; I’m horrified of getting a bad housing assignment; and I’m going to have to labor endlessly within the subconscious of most of the freshman class. You could say I’m pretty stressed out.

Intense Creative Differences Arise During Housing Day Video Filming

CAMBRIDGE, MA-- Over the past few days, the 2016 Lowell Housing Day video filming has turned sour.

“I signed up to be in the video because I thought it would build house spirit,” a tearful Amanda Burnes ‘18 reported. “But the director is horrible. He made us do, like, sixty different takes of me opening the door.”

Sectarian Violence Erupts After Freshmen Divided Along Arbitrary Lines

Cambridge, MA--Harvard College has been rocked by sectarian violence in the aftermath of Housing Day, a holy day for many who attend the college. Taking effect next year, a Freshman Dean's Office-Ad Board joint treaty will divide members of the freshman class into more "sustainable" boundaries, letting close ethnic blocking groups share portions of lands surrounding the Yard--the College's shared central region. Some groups feel, however, that they were given less valuable lands for no apparent reason. 

Harvard-Bound 8th Grader has Serious Reservations about the Quad

As housing season heats up, freshman aren’t the only ones quibbling over the quadrangle.

After arriving home from squash practice Friday evening, triple legacy and favorite son Henry Prescott-Weld threw off his Barbour jacket and sighed heavily.  His team, the Feildsdale Cavaliers, had just won districts, but Henry‘s mind was on other things while “at sport.”