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Nation Agrees It Must At Least Pretend to Care About Florida

As the most powerful Atlantic storm in recorded history battered the United States mainland, the nation kept Florida in its prayers, but also decided that the state kind of had it coming anyway.

“Hurricane Irma is causing mass destruction to all in its path with winds reaching up to 185 miles per hour,” Sandra Zuckerman of the National Hurricane Center said. “But then again, Florida is also the reason Bush was elected.”

As Florida residents boarded up their homes and stockpiled food, water, and gasoline, the nation debated just how much pity was warranted.

Irma to Visit Ethel, Maureen, and Gladys in Boca Raton This Weekend

Irma and the gang.

BOCA RATON – Things are sure to spin out of control this weekend when area octogenarian Irma visits her friends Ethel, Maureen, and Gladys at the Sunny Vistas Assisted Living Center in Boca Raton, Florida.