SatireV

Breaking

and entering

i could have hired so many women in the time it took me to write this op-ed but lol too bad

I, Too, Can Fuck

Mark Zuckerberg

Stop it. Just please stop. I can’t take it anymore. I don’t understand. Please stop talking about how much Jeff Bezos fucks. I don’t even think the nudes are his. I’m not just saying this because the idle thought of staging an elaborate affair and leaking my own nudes to the press occurs to me at least twice daily and four times on Wednesday. What do you mean “the top of the pubic region can be seen”? Jeff Bezos has no pubic hair. Or any hair. Jeff Bezos is a naked mole rat stacked on top of three small children.