SatireV

Breaking

and entering

the inevitable takeover of our machine overlords

Area Simpleton Still Typing with Two Fingers

CAMBRIDGE, MA - After the arrhythmic clicking of a keyboard continued for several minutes after his classmates had finished typing, reports have confirmed that area man John Edward '18 still types with two fucking fingers.

Despite having been born into a generation for whom computers are a norm, Edward has yet to learn the simple motor coordination pattern of utilising multiple fingers in the process of using a full QWERTY keyboard.