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Apple Debuts iPhone XXX, Revolutionizes Sex Toy Industry

CUPERTINO, CA - Earlier today, Tim Cook shocked Apple aficionados and Geniuses alike by unveiling Apple's most revolutionary product to date, the iPhone XXX. The iPhone X, it seems, was merely a warm up act for one of the "greatest innovations of our time."

"We've disrupted every industry you can think of. Music, TV, news, telecom; the list goes on," Cook said. "It was about time we broke through to the one industry that accounts for over 20% of the time people actually spend on our devices, porn."

Apple Must Stop Perpetuating Unrealistic Beauty Standards

Every single day, we are bombarded with images depicting beauty: on buses and billboards; across social media accounts and magazine covers; in commercials and music videos. Society's perception of the norm of beauty has reached an unattainable - even impossible - level of perfection. We all know what I'm referring to: the iPhone 7 Plus.

Flawed iOS6 Maps Thwarted Recent Terrorist Attack

On the morning of Monday, October 22nd, two armed men in a vehicle drove by an adult entertainment store and reportedly launched a rocket-propelled grenade into the shop, killing two regulars and a store clerk, and also injuring Boston Mayor Menino.  As Bostonians wait to hear news of their mayor, who is expected to make a full physical recovery, new details have emerged about the attacks.