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Steve Bannon Destroyed After General Kelly Finds Sixth Horcrux

WASHINGTON, DC — Emitting a glass-shattering scream at the frequency of a dog-whistle and withering away into thousands of flakes of infected skin, White House Chief Strategist Steve Bannon was reportedly defeated today after Chief of Staff John F. Kelly located and destroyed his sixth and final horcrux.
 
"Curse you, wretched boy!" the former Breitbart News executive chair howled as Kelly plunged the fabled sword of Eisenhower into Bannon's metaphorical pet serpent, It's-About-Heritage-Not-Hate. "I should have destroyed you when I had the chance!"