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Faculty Yankee Swap Ends in Fighting, Tears

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Today the faculty of Harvard College came together to celebrate a non-denominational “Winter Celebration,” which featured a Yankee swap that ended in quarrels and eggnog-fueled sobbing.

Dean Khurana Auditions to be an Eleganza Model

Cambridge, MA – To the shock of many students and administrators,  Dean of Harvard College Rakesh Khurana announced yesterday that he had auditioned to be an Eleganza model.

“I’ve actually been considering the career move to modeling for quite some time now,” Khurana admitted, citing his flourishing Instagram account for giving him the “confidence and self-assurance” to fulfill his life-long goal of taking to the runway.

Inspired By Khurana Reflection Email, Spee Club Changes Punch Policy

Early Friday morning, the Spee Club-- one of Harvard's eight all-male final clubs-- announced that its members had voted to welcome all genders in the club's upcoming punch. According to Spee Club president Matthew E. Lee '16, the members were inspired to reflect on their club's longstanding policies after reading Dean Rakesh Khurana's latest email calling for reflection.
 

Dean Khurana: Summer Reflection

Dear Harvard College students,

I hope that each of you is having a wonderful summer break, whether you are interning, conducting research, studying abroad, or simply spending well-deserved time at home, away from the stresses of academic tasks. You all merit some time to relax and recharge, as iPhones or electric razors do. 

Administration Struggles to Contain Rampant CVS Infestation

Cambridge, MA—After the recent opening of another CVS at the corner of Mass Ave and JFK St., the Harvard Administration has intensified its struggle to prevent the pharmacy chain from spreading any further. At one point, thirteen CVS locations were operating within a small, 2-block stretch of Mass Ave and JFK St.

A Halloween Message from Dean Khurana

Dear Harvard College students,

Dean Khurana: We Can't Do Better

In the face of criticism for what some students called insufficient communication in the wake of Friday’s emailed death threat, Dean of the College Rakesh Khurana said College administrators “can do better” to communicate with students and took full responsibility for their response to the threat at a press conference on Monday.

Khurana then stepped back from the podium, glanced at the assistant deans and University officers assembled behind him, nodded, and returned. 

“Actually, who am I kidding. We can’t do better. Sorry guys. There, I said it, there it is.”