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The Kong

Four Emotional Voids that Scallion Pancakes Will Fill But He Won’t

Are you stuck in a soulless, poorly defined relationship? Wish you would stop having sex with guys you’re only 60% into just for the temporary feeling of completeness? Here are four emotional voids that scallion pancakes will fill but he won’t:

 

1) The "emotionally detached parent" void 

I Don’t Care if You’re 35 with Children, You’re Not Getting a Drink

The Kong

By the White Guy at The Kong

Back in the day, the establishment where I now willingly spend my twilight years was a lawless land where underage drinking reigned supreme. It was mayhem. I was brought on to usher in a new age of order and control at the Kong. That is why I don’t care if you’re 35 with children: you’re not getting a drink.