SatireV

Breaking News

Bad

In Malan We Trust

Fickle Hand of Fate David Malan Giveth Stress Balls, Taketh Away Free Time

Cambridge, MA—Aching with the power bestowed upon him by divine right, CS50 professor David Malan, 37, announced on Friday that his capricious will knows no master.  

“You see this mug?” Malan asked, brandishing the CS50 branded container before the mewling crowd in Sanders Theater. "This means nothing to me,” he added, before smashing the mug into the floor. “You there, in the front” Malan said, addressing a member of the audience. "You no longer have to go to section, but you’re now taking this class for a letter grade.”

“It was a mistake. I was drunk, and I still love you,” Says Freshman Caught Cheating on CS50

CAMBRIDGE, MA – In a leaked email sent to CS50 after he was called to the Honor Council, Kevin J. Benson ‘20, who cheated on problem sets in the course, wrote: “[Cheating] was a mistake, I was drunk, and I still love you.”