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merry christmas

Am I...Real?

Santa Claus, with a space background
Lately, I have been hearing some troubling rumblings from the children. Little Timmy in Topeka told the rest of his second grade class that I am not "real." Isn't that hilarious? Mrs. Claus would be very disappointed to find out that I am not real!
 
I am definitely real, Timmy. I am merely an aged, rotund man, who lives in secrecy in an inhospitable locale and delivers toys to children...all around the world...in one single night...from a sleigh pulled by flying forest creatures.... Hmm. Now that you mention it, that does seem highly improbable.
 

Old Man Pointedly Responds “Merry CHRISTMAS” When Wished “Happy Holidays”

Ted McCullough, 87, of West Roxbury, has reportedly once again taken up his yearly habit of scowling and muttering under his breath at any cashier, waitress, or government employee who wishes him a secular “Happy Holidays.” The octogenarian, who attended five am Mass this morning, allegedly misses a time when “Christmas was Christmas, dammit,” and claims he did not “play tiddly-winks with Jerry in the Bulge for this.”