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Breaking

and entering

but not to equate two massively different struggles of different groups

Drew Faust Announces...Wait, I'm Better Than Writing About Final Clubs, Right?

ALEPPO, SYRIA–-Two days ago, Islamist rebels seized the village of Khan Touman, which resulted in 73 deaths and violated the ceasefire in the city of Aleppo recently brokered by the United States and Russia. The battle subsided merely a few hours before the President of Harvard University, Drew Gilpin Faust, issued a statement citing consequences for students participating in unrecognized single-gender social organizations on campus. Wait...no, that's not right.
 

Fox Grad Board to Recognize Females as 3/5ths of Member

Fox club graphic

CAMBRIDGE, MA - After months of long, drawn-out debate, the Fox Graduate Board announced today that they would be willing to provisionally recognize female members. In a landmark statement issued to SatireV, the president of the graduate board Philip P. Pondswater III announced that following months of deliberation on integration, the Fox would recognize female members as three fifths of a member.