By Paul Jacobson

 

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, what in God's name is that? What do you mean, What am I talking about? I'm talking about THAT. Right there, below my left elbow. Can't you see it? Yes, THAT.

 

Do you think it could be cancerous? Fuck, I just can't deal with that right now. What am I supposed to tell my wife? We just took out a mortgage, and we have another kid on the way. FUCK. I should have paid more attention in chemistry class.

 

You know what? Maybe it's just a piece of dirt. Yeah, that's it. It's a piece of dirt. Let me just rub it off and-- oh God, it won't come off. Maybe if I lick my thumb and try again-- shit, still no. What the fuck IS this?

 

Please God forgive me. I know I'm a sinner, but I promise I'll go to church on Sunday. Hell, I'll go to church every day. All I'm asking is that you make this tiny little blotch go away. That's it. Wait, am I allowed to say hell? There's no way I am. SHIT, I am so fucking screwed. 

 

I SWEAR I WILL CHANGE, I PROMISE TO-- oh hey wait a minute; it's coming off. Never mind.