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Point-Counterpoint: I'm Not Sure If I Want to Eat Your Pussy vs. God I Would Love to Eat Your Cat

Point:

I'm Not Sure If I Want to Eat Your Pussy

By Jonathan Sanders, Sixteen-Year-Old Texan Boy

OK Martha, I know we've been together for three months now. Yes, your parents aren't home and yes, we're in your bedroom alone, but I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet.

No, of course I'm not gay; I think you're really hot. I just"" don't want to.

OK, I know, I know, you did it to me two months ago, but that's different. How? Well, I mean, you don't actually have to go inside anything when you do it. It's not all weird and smelly; it's a totally different thing.

What? Oh, forget it, I didn't come here to do comparative anatomy with you. What, do you want to have sex now? I have a condom. No? That's what I thought.

When a man goes down on a woman that's showing a big commitment. First I'm nibbling your clitoris and the next thing you know I'm giving you a wedding ring. Frankly, I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Do you know what the divorce rate in America is?

Also I could get herpes. No, of course you don't have oral herpes, I know what a cold sore looks like, but frankly I have no idea what type two is. I don't want sores all over my mouth, thank you very much, and I'm not wearing a dental dam, 'cause that shit is weird.

Oh baby, no, don't put your clothes back on -- don't be like that. It's not about you at all. No please, come back, don't ruin the night. God, why do you always have to be so sensitive about everything? 

Counterpoint:

God, I Would Love to Eat Your Cat

By Deng Nimeiri, Sixteen-Year-Old Sudanese Boy 

What's that you say? You want me to eat your cat? Holy shit, thank you! Where is the damn thing? I'm fucking starving. Yesterday, my brother Amare and I found a bunch of hyenas eating an antelope, and when we couldn't scare them away, we just joined in.

      But really, let's go find the goddamn animal. Your large American house will present some difficulties in searching, but I'm sure that means the reward at the end will be that much greater. Someone who has floor heating on the tiles in their dining hall couldn't possibly starve their damn cat. There's no chance you own a dog too, is there? No, never mind, I take that back -- wouldn't want to
impose on your already generous hospitality.

© 2010
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