Now this is my absolute FINAL last concluding ultimate endmost thing I have to say on this matter. When I made the post about the oppression I have been through as a white woman, YOU guys made it about race. Everyone has taken my words out of context. I am not racist. In fact, I'll have you know that some of my favorite artists are black.  

by James Madison

Well, well, well. We meet again. It’s our usual place. Maybe, a Gened section? Or, a group project meeting? Really, anywhere over Zoom. Things are just getting started, and everyone looks happy and content. And then. I strike. 

His Fifth Grade Teacher    

Hey fam! It’s us! Your teats. Your mammary glands. Your udders, if you prefer. We just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. We couldn’t help but notice that your hair looks...different. We could have told you that bangs weren’t the way to go. They kinda accentuate your ever-so-slight-but-also-quite-noticeable-hyper-round face of yours. But no worries on that! We all make mistakes! And we think we have a way to get you right back on track!

PIERCE.

US. 

By Stacy's Mom's Daughter

Hey, you. Yeah, you, listening to “Stacy’s Mom” at full volume in your shitty dorm party and shouting about how banging my mom's body is. Listen up. Because I have some news for you.

By Your House

By Your Local Doorknob Licker

All of you think you have it so bad--not being able to go to your favorite restaurant, catch a movie with your new crush, or have that fifth gin and tonic at the local bar in another fit of self loathing--but let me tell you something… You do not know true anguish until you have your one passion in life ripped from your hands because some fuckers decided not to wash their hands.  

Are you quarantined? On a cruise ship? While acting as religious refugees fleeing Europe for the New World in a small boat? If the answers to these three questions are correct, then we may be able to help!