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Why I’m Not Accepting Candy Handouts: An Editorial By Cambridge Middle School Student Randy Mankiw

 

 We all hear it and, as much as we want to deny it, it’s an inevitable fact of life: “You have to grow up.”

And that’s why I’m encouraging my fellow middle school students not to accept candy handouts from the citizens of Cambridge this Halloween season.

Krokodil: Good Product at a Fair Price

At first, when I decided to review the new krokodil drug, I wasn’t expecting anything particularly special.  I had heard that it was merely a cheaper version of heroin, and, as a heroin fan myself, I found it hard to be appealed by the prospects of a backyard substitute. 

Up-and-Coming Writer Lacks Plot, Substance

Karl Marx’s recently published “Communist Manifesto” leaves much to be desired. The novella has made many readers, including this critic, disappointed. The story lacks imagery, plot, and good characterization.

After Reading The Crimson's Staff Editorial This Morning, I Have Decided to Resign

A Guest Editorial by Dean Evelynn Hammonds

In my eleven years at Harvard, I have often asked myself: What would The Crimson staff writers do? I looked to them for news, opinions, and even fashion tips, so when The Crimson told me it was time to quit, I knew I just had to trust them.

Since the truth came to light this Tuesday, I know that The Crimson has spent many long minutes reviewing the facts. What I did was wrong, and after reading I understand that. I should not have told anyone about the second email search.

Warning: Do Not Comp

A Guest Editorial by The Crimson Staff

If you think The Crimson’s editorial staff are bad at their jobs, don’t come to our meetings. If you think our article quality has gone downhill lately, don’t write for us. Most importantly, if you think our policy of separate bathrooms for white and non-white staffers is wrong, don’t comp.

What's so wrong about a quiet snack in class?

Look, I'm just gonna come out and say it. Sometimes I eat in class. 

From the Archives: Jesus of Nazareth is Ruining the Economy

By now, we’re all familiar with the antics of the man calling himself The Messiah. What you may not know about are the devastating effects his carelessly executed “miracles” are having on the local economy. My name is Samuel. I’m a decent, hardworking fisherman, and I’m writing to tell you that Galilee simply cannot afford to keep this public menace around.

Book Review: If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

HarperCollins Publisher promises readers a tale of an “energetic host run ragged by his guest” as they tumble through the pages of this “delightful book.” Delightful, it appears, is a subjective term. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie offers a thinly masked political agenda in support of bourgeoisie. Indeed from the very first page, it establishes the parasitic relationship between the host and unexpected guest.

Point-Counterpoint: Do I Want the Raisin Bran Muffin?

Point- I'm fucking starving and Annenberg closed at 7:30.

Counterpoint-The muffin kind of seems dry, though.

Point- It hasn't been out for that long. It was fresh when I got it from ABP.

Counterpoint- ….two weeks ago?

Point- I love raisins.

Counterpoint- No you don't.

The Automotive Industry is a Gay Conspiracy

By Rick Santorum

DETROIT, MI -- Thank you! Thank you. Yes, it’s a great night to be in Detroit, ladies and gentlemen, the city where the American dream was designed and manufactured.  Thank you!

Ladies and Gentlemen: I know what the automotive industry means to you – many of your families have worked on American cars and trucks for generations, and that’s just fine. That’s great, in fact.  America needs transportation, and America needs you. 

 But my fellow Americans – don’t you see the problem with this city?

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