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Oscars

8 New Oscar Categories You May Have Missed

In an effort to promote diversity within the acting community, we have decided to add some additional categories to our show this year. While we cannot include all of these amazing contributions on TV, we are so excited to share the nominees with you now. 

 

Most Potential in a Film for a Quirky Sequel Title

AIDS Epidemic Dazzles Audiences with Split-Second Cameo in Bohemian Rhapsody

OSCARS-At the Golden Globes, Bohemian Rhapsody cemented its status as a solid Oscar contender after winning the award for Best Motion Picture-Drama. The movie centers around the late Freddie Mercury but to the untrained eye you might have missed the greatest star of all: The AIDS Epidemic scrolling through the credits in size 5 font.

Uh Oh 'Shape of Water' Fans: Neil DeGrasse Tyson Just Reminded Everyone that Water Actually Takes the Shape of its Container

Side-by-side: The Shape of Water poster and a photo of Neil DeGrasse Tyson
It looks like fans of the surprise Academy Award favorite The Shape of Water have been put in their place! Famous scientist Neil DeGrasse Tyson just reminded everyone that, like all liquids, water can only take the shape of its container.
 
Uh oh. What do you say to that, Oscar-nominated director of The Shape of Water Guillermo Del Toro?
 

Satire V's Oscar Predictions

Ahead of the 89th Academy Awards, Satire V has made some predictions about this evening's big event:
 
Instead of presenting its annual awards, the Academy will unveil the curtain to reveal 30 people named Oscar in the Los Angeles area.
 
President Trump will resign in the middle of Jimmy Kimmel's biting monologue about him.
 
Natalie Portman will give birth onstage in a once-in-a-lifetime performance art piece.
 

Things Leonardo DiCaprio Hasn't Won

With last night's win for his performance in The Revenant, Leonardo DiCaprio has finally taken home an Academy Award for Best Actor after four nominations. However, there are still plenty of things that Leo hasn't won, and we at Satire V have now compiled the definitive list:

Advisors Glam Up For Awards Season

CAMBRIDGE, MA –- Advisors all across campus are preparing to kick off the 2016 awards season, starting with the Star Family Prize for Excellence in Advising. The highly coveted prize comes with a gold star sticker and the opportunity to give a three-minute speech that will invariably be cut short with instrumental music after just thirty seconds.

White Actors Sweep Oscars, Overcome History of Opportunity

Hollywood, CA - In a groundbreaking victory for white rights activists and other minorities around the nation, 36.6 million viewers watched on Sunday as Eddie Redmayne (The Theory of Everything) and Julianne Moore (Still Alice) received the awards for Best White Actor and Best White Actress, respectively, at the 87th Academy Awards. Patricia Arquette (Boyhood) and JK Simmons (Whiplash) also made film history when they were announced as Best White Supporting Actress and Actor, as well.

Terrified Adele Dazeem flees Country after John Travolta blows her Cover

Undisclosed Location—Wanted Turkmenistani terrorist Adele Dazeem—who has spent the last twenty years living in the United States under the assumed name Idina Menzel—has fled the country following the revelation of her identity by John Travolta at last week’s Academy Awards, a Department of Homeland Security source has confirmed.

Abraham Lincoln Has Been Playing Daniel Day-Lewis For the Past 56 Years

In a press conference following his Best Actor win at the 85th Academy Awards, Abraham Lincoln revealed that he has been playing Daniel Day-Lewis since 1957.  

“Yeah, that whole thing about the theater and the shooting and all that, it was unfortunate, but it had to be done.  I just needed an excuse to get away from my wife.  She was f—king crazy, you know,” said the 16th President of the United States.  “I mean, the ends justified the means, right?  Machiavelli said that, I think.  I’m a big fan of Machiavelli.”