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Attention All Pigeons: I Am Your God Now

By a 6-year-old
Hi, pigeons. Birdies. Bony, feathered worms of the sky. I have something to tell you: I am your God now.

Pope Francis Names 17 New Cardinals…And Two Pigeons

VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis recently had the honor of naming 17 beautiful cardinals and two honorary mediocre-looking pigeons in a deeply sentimental naming ceremony this past weekend.

The red cardinals migrated nearly 4,000 miles to greet the Pope at his residency in Vatican City. The Pope was reportedly standing on his balcony, gazing majestically off into the distance when he heard the beautiful song of “twittle twittle, twee twoo tee tee” and whipped out his professional bird-watching binoculars in pure excitement.