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CNN Poll Finds That All Other Polls Are Lying Pieces of Shit

ATLANTA, GA -- A new CNN poll released Sunday finds that 89 percent of all other polls are lying pieces of shit.

“78 percent of Washington Post polls are decaying swirls of giraffe feces,” CNN wrote in a statement. “82 percent of Gallup polls are bee-infested loaves of crap. 86 percent of Pew Research Center polls are regurgitated pools of dung. Altogether, the vast majority of polls that are not CNN polls are lying pieces of shit.”