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Breaking

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queen elizabeth

BREAKING: Queen Elizabeth II's Crown Juuls Stolen

Crown Juuls

LONDON, ENGLAND—In a scandal that is paralyzing Great Britain, Queen Elizabeth II's most valuable artifacts, the Crown Juuls, were stolen early Friday morning from their glass case in the Tower of London.

Valued at three billion dollars—or approximately 750 million Cool Cucumber Pods—this crime represents a serious loss for the British people. The security guard watching over the room blamed “lightheadedness,” noting that the Juuls were gone in a puff of smoke.