SatireV

Breaking

and entering

red line

Don’t Mind Me, I’m Just Fighting the Good Fight

By a Harvard Social Justice Warrior
 
I'm like every Harvard student: I keep my head down, do my studies, make self-aware jokes about "grabbing meals," and do my part to save the world. It's all so exhausting. Believe me, at the end of my grind as someone whose job is to concentrate in something, I would like nothing more than to watch a Greta Gerwig movie and be blissfully ignorant of the world’s problems. But sorry, world! My broke college ass can’t afford to let this shit slide!

Pfister Redefines Red Line for Cheating Scandals

While the Gov 1310 cheating scandal has continued for nearly as long as the Syrian civil war, Harvard administrators remain unwilling to tackle the problem head-on, citing the disaster that followed the 2003 takeover of the Philosophy Department, where suspected methods of mass cheating were sought, but never found. However, according to Donald Pfister, the new Dean of the College and Herbology professor, the administration is now keeping close tabs on the developments.