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Area Bagel Spread Too Thin

Plain Bagel creamed her exams last semester, but this year could slice right through her GPA.

CAMBRIDGE, MA — Local breakfast staple Plain Bagel bleu open her schedule for her family during the holiday season, but upon returning to work, Bagel has found herself spread too thin. 

“It was so nice of [Plain Bagel] to spend Hanukkah with us,” said her siblings, the Einstein brothers, “but we wonder if her life would be less a-rye if she hadn’t.” 

“Can’t talk, lox to do,” responded the busy carbohydrate. “I’ve got to make it to my great grain-dma’s birthday, but my boss said I’d be toast if I don’t ham up our annual meat-ing. And I need to make an appointment with my doctor — I think I have a yeast infection.” 

Bagel’s overcrowded schedule has begun to affect her budding loaf life. “If she had thyme, I’d take her to the ocean to spice things up for our anniversary,” lamented Bagel’s boyfriend, Italian Breadstick. “She's always wanted to see a bay gull, but I guess we can’t be bae goals.” 

After hearing her boyfriend’s concerns, Plain Bagel rolled off in a panic, shouting, “Sorry, I’ve got to asia-go!” 

© 2017