CAMBRIDGE, MA - In a move anticipated by the scientific community, local student Aidan Smith once again failed to win any of the Nobel prizes awarded in Stockholm last week, the latest in a series of disappointments for his mother. Despite being raised perfectly well, Aidan also has not received any Nobel prizes in any of the past several years, a trend of mediocrity that dates back to 1995, the year of his birth. Indeed, out of the myriad paths Aidan’s loving parents made available to him, Aidan seems to have chosen one that has not involved a single international organization recognizing him for his merit.

 

Henrietta Smith neé Plinkett, Smith’s mother, had the following view of the situation. “After tens of thousands of dollars of private school and eighteen years of loving parental attention from both me and his father, certainly it’s not unreasonable for me to expect at least one Nobel prize at this point. I mean, come on, his second grade teacher talked to me for HOURS at our parent-teacher conference about how much promise he had. Hours!”

 

When asked how he felt about the regrettable situation, Aidan responded, “Why would I even be in contention for winning the Nobel prize? I haven’t done anything that would even come close to warranting that, mostly because I’m still only 21 years old.”

 

“Why are you even asking such a stupid question? Who are you, my mother?”