SAN FRANCISCO—Recently, investigators have found that local mother Christine Berry, age 44, has found an effective outlet for her unrelenting anger toward her son, Devon—one-star Yelp reviews. While she previously struggled with her anger alone, the app has given her a healthy release valve, without which she probably would have given up already.
Sources say that her current streak of seventy-two consecutive one-star reviews started just two months ago. In the past, Berry, a self-proclaimed “Yelper from way back,” had averaged two- to three-star reviews, but her recent actions mark a new level of brutality.
A recent example shows Berry’s one-star review of Sushi Rocks, which reads, “The sushi at Sushi Rocks does not 'rock,' unlike my teenage son Devon who is going through a classic rock phase. Yes, Devon, we've all heard of Led Zeppelin, you lame-ass burden of my existence.”
Another review contained harsh gripes regarding The Plant Cafe’s vegan imitation steak, which Berry noted “wasn’t even grass-fed OR free range.” She continued, “My piece-of-shit son can cook better food than this, and he totaled the family car inside our own garage last night so you know he’s not too fucking bright.”
When Satire V reached out to Berry for an interview, she did not hold back. “My husband told me I need to find a new outlet for my anger instead of over-analyzing his tiniest flaws." Berry said. "But being able to feel like I can run a business into bankruptcy with a keyboard, crushing lifelong dreams by bringing down consumer perception—it just feels so… rewarding.”