SatireV

Breaking News

Bad

Area Mom Excited to Reclaim Facebook Newsfeed Dominance Since Election End

He just loves fall!!!!

WESTON, MA — After learning the election news cycle has finally died down, local mother Carol Danforth was reported to be eagerly anticipating the opportunity to flood her family and friends' news feeds with life updates and Despicable Me minion quote images.

“It’s been pretty difficult these past few months. Because of all the shared election content over social media, the average likes on my food blog posts and anti-vaccine infographics has gone down from 5 to 3,” said Danforth.

Danforth’s husband commented on her eagerness: “Right after she heard from her friend Erica that the election was already two weeks behind us, she asked me if I would pretend that our anniversary was on Thursday so she could post photos and exert digital dominance over the other neighborhood moms.”

According to neighbors, with social media feeds crowded by political news Danforth has resorted to vandalism and petty crime for attention during the election season. One witness reported that Danforth was seen spray painting, “My son Tristan just won his first soccer game! So proud of the little guy” on the side of the local elementary school in the dead of night.

At press time, Danforth was seen setting up a costumed photoshoot with her two dogs.

© 2016
Category: