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Area Pear Woman-Shaped

A pear in a skirt.
Does this accentuate my woman-shaped curves?
CAMBRIDGE, MA — After reading through the latest issue of InStyle magazine, a local pear has definitely determined that she is woman-shaped. After flipping through several pages detailing the styles and cuts that best flatter a woman-shaped body, the pear edited her wardrobe accordingly. 
 
“Well, the October issue [of InStyle] really lays it out for you. Pears that are woman-shaped should wear clothes that draw the eye to our [womanly] curves,” said the local pear, flaunting a new dress. “I love the way this embellished collar highlights how slender my stem is, and the A-line dress is so flattering on the woman-shape.” 
 
“You know the silliest thing?” asked the pear aloud. "I used to dress as if I were man-shaped, but thanks to InStyle, now I know that the ratio of my body’s diameter to its circumference is really more characteristic of a woman-shape.” The pear laughed as she set every pair of pants she owned on fire. “I won’t need these anymore!”
 
“InStyle is my bible,” gushed the pear, her face aglow from the flames. “I’ve learned to be bold, to wear woman-shaped clothes, and to use red-based concealers on the green overtones in my complexion.” 
 
As the fire spread from her closet to the rest of her home, the pear ran out of the house clutching her issues of InStyle. “I’m beautiful,” she whispered to herself. “I’m so beautiful.”
 
© 2017
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