MILWAUKEE, WI – Chris Goodman, 26, was seen entering the home of Joe Wilkinson for a potluck dinner Saturday carrying– once again– nothing but a box of granola bars.
“Wuz gucci, my brethren?” proclaimed Goodman at approximately 7 pm as he shed his floor-length faux mink onto the floor. “Just serving some oats ‘n honey, dawgs. If anyone needs some juice, I got AAA’s in the car.” Goodman was reported to have exhibited similar behavior at last week’s Super Bowl party, where he arrived smugly carrying a cheese tray that strikingly resembled a Costco sample dish.
“Chris has always been...uh...an easy-going guy,” said Sally Bedford, another confirmed guest at the potluck. Bedford was seen carrying a gift-wrapped bottle of Yellowtail and eyeing the Nature Valley box nervously when stopped for questioning. “He’s just...an acquired taste, if you will.”
Host Joe Wilkinson said “Chris? Yeah, he’s, uh, well, he’s not for everyone. But...he’s just always had my back, you know? I’ve gotta invite Chris because he...well, uh...we’ve just known each other for so — hey, put that down, bro, my gram-gram’s ashes are in there!"
At press time, Goodman was seen swaggeringly exiting the hallway bathroom and making plunging motions to the host.