Boston, MA - Jimmy “Wolfman” Crawford, better known as “that guy who wore a Tapout shirt every fucking day of high school,” officially announced his retirement from mixed martial arts last Saturday. The announcement came following a loss in his first career fight against fan favorite Donny “Knife-hands” O’Connor.

“There comes a time in every fighter’s life when you have to admit that you’ve given it all you’ve got and it’s time to call it quits,” said Crawford in an official press release, “It’s been a good run and I’ll always look back fondly on my time in this great sport.”

Crawford tapped out early in the first round of the fight following a strong opening jab from O’Connor. O’Connor, who jumped several weight classes above his own super flyweight to fight the heavyweight Crawford, said he was impressed by Crawford’s hustle.

“You know it’s not often you see a guy willing to climb into the octagon like that,” said O’Connor, “Did he win? No. Was it a good idea for him to even try? Probably not. Did he embarrass himself in front of all those people? Absolutely. But you can’t deny he’s got heart.”

Crawford, who trained in “Brazilian Jiu-Jitsoo (sic) and punching” for nearly two weeks leading up to the fight, says he now plans to return to pursuing his dream of eating at every Taco Bell in the Pacific Northwest, America’s greatest geographic region.