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For Halloween, Girl to Dress Up as Slutty Disappointment to Her Parents

For 20-somethings, slutty costumes are a hallmark of Halloween

After a lackluster appearance as a slutty nurse last year, Rachel Myers ’19 has decided to dress up as a slutty disappointment to her parents this Halloween.

During a trip with her roommate to the Garment District—where Myers tried on slutty suffragette, slutty CEO, and slutty goldfish costumes—Myers realized that she should just cut to the chase and go as a slutty disappointment to her parents.

“Regardless of which costume I chose,” Myers explained, “my dad would call me and ask, ‘Have you considered wearing a roomy poncho over that?’ and my mom would say something like, ‘I wouldn’t wear that to church,’ as if I was possibly planning to wear it to church.”

For her costume, Myers will wear fishnet stockings, strappy black heels, and a large body-hugging printout of her Harvard tuition that, according to her mom, “we don’t spend our hard-earned money on so that you can parade around like some floozy.”  

Myers intends to wear the slutty suffragette costume to Thanksgiving dinner. “It’ll kill two birds with one stone,” Myers enthused. “It’ll make my aunts and uncles deeply uncomfortable, and it’ll make my misogynistic grandfather say something bigoted about women’s rights at the dinner table. Then I can go all Betty Friedan on his ass.” 

At press time, Myers’ parents were debating what to do about her sister, a respectably clothed disappointment to her parents.

 

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