SatireV

Breaking News

1.0mm Pencil Lead

Jewish Girl Excited to Feel Alienated This Christmas

Mr. Silverstein reportedly buried his face in his hands when Rachel unveiled her plan to "hide in the attic, so I can hear Santa's reindeer!" http://tinyurl.com/mfuxajk
Local Jewish girl Rachel Silverstein, 4, is especially excited to feel alienated this Christmas.
 
“I’m gonna go over to my friend Betsy’s house, and we’re going to bake cookies and listen to Christmas songs on the radio, and I’m going to be the only one who doesn’t know the lyrics!” said the preschool student and member of Congregation Beth El.  “It’s going to be so much fun!”
 
Cynthia’s parents worried that this year, their daughter has been expressing more interest in December 25th than usual.  “Yesterday we went walking around the neighborhood to look at all the light displays," said her father, Benjamin, who's beginning to feel a little ostracized this week too.  "She asked me why we don't have lights on our house.  I told her that we have Hanukkah--the Festival of Lights."  
 
"Yeah, we have Hanukkah," added her mother, biting into a stale latke.  “This morning, she asked me if she was the Grinch."
 
According to reports, Rachel has been watching several movie marathons of films such as Elf, It’s a Wonderful Life, The Santa Clause and the timeless Vince Vaughn classic Four Christmases.  
 
"But we have the The Prince of Egypt.  That's her favorite Passover movie," said her mother.
 
“I’m going to stay up all night so that I can see Santa land on Betsy’s roof to give her presents.  Not me, of course.  I don’t get presents on Christmas." Rachel said.  "I'd even be fine with coal.  All I want for Christmas is some acceptance."
 
According to her parents, Rachel doesn't mind being left out of Kwanzaa celebrations, mostly because she has no idea what Kwanzaa is.
© 2013
Category: