GAMMY'S HOUSE – At a press conference this afternoon, your less favorite grandmother "Gammy Florida" announced her plans to die at a pretty inconvenient time for you.

 

"I've decided to pass into the Great Beyond next week, just two days before that midterm for which you've been studying for weeks," said Gammy Florida, who never really seemed to take a liking to you anyway. "And I insist that my funeral be here in Florida, so that the entire family has to book flights on short notice."

 

Although you always preferred Nana, who would bake cookies whenever you came to her house, you feel obligated to attend the funeral of Gammy Florida, who has always referred to your mother as "that bitch who stole my son" behind her back.

 

"I can't believe this," you said aloud to yourself. "This woman lived an entire life, worked a 9 to 5 job for 40 years, raised a family, and retired comfortably, and she has to die now? What did I do to deserve this?"

 

At press time, Gammy Florida was heard making a vaguely passive aggressive remark as she left the press conference podium.