SatireV

Breaking News

Your blocking group

Man with Ponytail Actually Completely Normal Person. Huh!

Flemish is pictured here in deep thought about how much he likes "Happy" by Pharrell.
CAMBRIDGE, MA – Reports indicate that Jeremy Flemish ‘18 is surprisingly a completely normal person, despite choosing to wear his hair in a ponytail. Indeed, over the course of the day Jeremy was presented with a wide variety of social situations, and navigated each of these interactions the same way a totally regular guy would have. Huh!
 
Flemish appears not to be really into any strange or niche interests at all. “I suppose I really like Beyoncé,” said Flemish when asked what kind of entertainment he likes. “I thought Stranger Things was really great. Oh, and Moonlight was exceptional.” Hmph!
 
Despite his hairstyle, Flemish also has never owned a snake, or even a single katana. He can type at a respectable, but not unusual 90 words per minute– a speed which is hindered by his unremarkable, non-mechanical keyboard. He thinks bugs are kind of gross, and to this day has only seen a couple episodes of Star Trek. How surprising!
 
Follow up reports have indicated that his roommate, Thomas Eastcreek ‘18, whose hair is shaven on the sides of his head and cut short on the top, is currently concentrating in Linguistics and plans on getting a job doing charity work after college. Who’d have guessed?
 
© 2017
Category: