Tower of London, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland – With Scottish voters having decisively voted “No” in the long anticipated referendum on independence, Scottish First Minister and leading independence advocate Alex Salmond has been transported in shackles to London and ritually disemboweled by members of the Queen's household guard. 

Hogsmeade, Scotland—In what has been perhaps the school’s most political move in over a decade, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry released a statement this Wednesday advocating for Scots to vote ‘no’ on today’s independence referendum. “Should the country not wish to die a most painful death,” Headmaster Albus Dumbledore said, “it would do well to remember its place.” Halting words from the usually peace mongering Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot come just before Scots head to the polls to decide who they really are.

Loch Ness—Despite an abundance of misleading rumors and myths, the Loch Ness Monster is, indeed, still in the process of deciding whether to vote “Yes” or “No” on the referendum for Scottish independence.

           “I see both sides, I s’pose,” says the lake creature, whose first documented appearance is recorded in the 7th-century manuscript The Life of St. Columba. “Certainly, there’s a compelling argument to be made that Scotland as we know it will lose significant economic viability. On the other hand, though, no one around this loch likes the English.”