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Seniors Select Class Marshalls, Location #1374 in Plano, TX

CAMBRIDGE, MA — After two rounds of voting, the class of 2018 has officially selected their class Marshalls, the Harvard Alumni Association announced on Wednesday.

Thirty-six branches of the affordable, middle class department store jockeyed for collective ownership by Harvard’s senior class this year. Winners were selected based on criteria such as general popularity, commitment to the Harvard community, and density of middle school students in need of affordable ballet flats for their recital in the surrounding area. 

Top Thesis Titles of 2016

CAMBRIDGE, MA - With the deadline for Senior Theses drawing near, students across campus are scrambling to submit their tomes of wisdom in time. However, a thesis isn't complete without an appropriately engaging title to separate the culmination of your attempt at academia from the multitudes. Satire V has curated our favorite titles from this year's collection:

 

I'm Not Sayin' She's a Gold Digger: Economics and Gender in 1850s California

Snowed In: the Psychosocial Impact of Dandruff 

Blue Moon: Understanding Werewolf Emotions