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Khurana Shakes Up Single Blender Social Organizations

CAMBRIDGE, MA — In an announcement on Wednesday, Dean of Harvard College Rakesh Khurana unveiled new plans to target Unrecognized Single-Blender Social Organizations by proposing a policy which would propel members of such organizations toward the risk of expulsion.
 

You Wouldn’t Have Any Single Gender Group Issues If You Were All Rotifers Like Me

So, I’ve heard a lot about your problems with these final clubs, single-gender organizations, and whatnot. Well, boy do I have something to say to you: you wouldn’t be having any of these single gender organization problems if you were all rotifers like me. 

Yes, rotifers. I never have to worry about these issues, as my parthenogenic relatives and I self-propagate in peace in our lakes. Yes, the Bdelloid way is the best way. My many, many identical lophotrocozoate larvae and I live in perfect, agendered harmony.

The Single-Gender Organization That Accepted Me Is NOT Exclusive

For the past two years in SigmaDeltaBetathanyou, I’ve seriously met some of the most compassionate and accepting people at Harvard. This community just screams inclusivity and empowerment, and it is simply outrageous that the administration has decided to group my organization with all of the icky exclusive organizations that rejected me.