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Satire V38: Nerds and Numbers Agree, Joe Flacco Leads NFL MVP Race Due to Historically High DANVRYGAR/G+

Student Blows Through All Two Sports Facts He Knows 30 Seconds Into Conversation

Two people talking.

LOWELL DINING HALL — Alex C. Smith '19 found himself at a loss on Wednesday after using up the only two sports facts he knows roughly 30 seconds into dinnertime small talk.

The painful conversation began when Lisa H. Jenkins '18 asked Smith, her former section acquaintance, whether he had caught the big game as the two waited for their grill orders.

“How ’bout those Packers, am I right?” he replied, relying on fact number one. “17-9 against the Seahawks is no easy feat.”

HUDS Union vs. Harvard: 9,475th Rock-Paper-Scissors Round Ends in Tie

CAMBRIDGE, MA—As the university confronts annoyed students, dining hall closures, and starving mice, Local 26 and the Harvard Management Corporation both played “scissors” in round 9,475 of the rock-paper-scissors-format negotiations.

Satire V38's MLB Preview

With the NFL season in the rearview mirror, the MLB season has finally begun! In anticipation of another great year of our national pastime, Satire V38 has targeted the strengths and weaknesses of some of the league's key teams:
 
Chicago Cubs
Strength: Depth at nearly every position.
Weakness: History of debilitating heartbreak.
 
New York Mets