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Spring Break

Student Going Home for Spring Break Plans All-Out Banger in Suburban New Jersey

welcome to new jersey sign
CAMBRIDGE, MA – Senior Mallory L. Johnson '18 is planning an all-out banger of a spring break at her family's two-bedroom apartment in the suburban New Jersey town of Marlboro.
"A lot of people I know are going skiing in the Alps or on a tropical vacation, but things can get pretty crazy right here in Marlboro," said Johnson. "Why, just last week the local diner announced that the early bird special now includes an entree, soup, and the salad bar!"

Last-Minute Spring Break Ideas

If you are anything like us at Satire V, you've probably procrastinated on planning your Spring Break until now. But don’t worry- we've got you covered. Here are some cool last minute Spring Break options for you and your lazy and/or disorganized friends.

Wild But Accessible: The T

Republican Party Not Racially Diverse, Just Tan

After a wild spring break, which included a cruise to the Dominican Republic, Haiti, and Cuba, the Republican Party has released a statement emphasizing that they “are not more racially diverse—just tan.”

“We all enjoyed a nice recess from Congress,” reads the statement released Thursday, “but someone forgot to pack the sunscreen, and we all experienced the unfortunate effects of a strong Caribbean sun.”