SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Terrorism

The Orlando Tragedy Proves [Insert Prior Belief Here]

My thoughts and prayers go out to the victims of today’s tragedy. But thoughts and prayers are not enough. It’s time for real change. Today’s shooting in Orlando shows how important it is for us to support [insert prior belief here].

Nation Runs Out of Thoughts and Prayers

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA—In light of today’s terrorist bombings in Brussels, Belgium, Americans have officially run out of thoughts and prayers.

“It seems I’ve used them all,” said despondent Dallas, Texas native Frances O’Sullivan. “After sending so many to Ankara last week and the majority to Paris in November, I found myself unable to send my thoughts and prayers to Brussels via social media today. It just wouldn’t work,” she added, the collective weight of human sorrow visibly weighing her down.