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No, This Fucking Email Does Not "Find Me Well"

Your former TF
Dear Smug Little Shit,
 
How disappointing to hear from you! No, this fucking email does not "find me well." In the year and a half since I was your TF, during which time I almost forgot that you exist, I have moved to Oman and become a postdoc at Sultan Qaboos University. I make 12,000 rials a year, alcohol is illegal here, and the only American I have met is a CIA agent who calls himself "Big Tex" and who has threatened to kill me if I make eye contact with him in the marketplace.
 

​TF Receives B+/A- On Judgment Day

ARMAGEDDON -- As Judgment Day has fallen upon Humanity, reports indicate that Gov 20 TF Aaron Granderson has received a B+/A- on his life.
 
"I don't really know how to interpret this," said Granderson. "Was I not good enough for an A-, and the Almighty One threw me a bone? Or was God just trying to take me down notch, because I was starting to get cocky? What does this mean?"
 

TF Sure You Did The Readings

CAMBRIDGE, MA-- Yesterday Harvey Benson, a TF for Culture and Belief 23, announced in his 3 pm section that he would continue talking about the readings because he "was sure you did them."
 
Benson, who normally conducts section under the assumption that you did the readings, decided to verbalize the tacit agreement when he started to feel like you might not have been keeping up with the assigned texts. Although Benson considered asking more specific questions about the readings to test his theory, he instead opted for the passive-aggressive route.

Teaching Fellow Realizes He Is Not Invited to Faculty Dinner

As the semester draws to a close, Jason Michaels, a Teaching Fellow in government, came to the conclusion earlier this week that he has not been and will not be invited any of the 13 faculty dinners this semester. Michaels, who is rapidly approaching 40 years old, recognizes mistily that he is at the awkward age at which he “is too old to be considered the sexy TF, but still too young to be the wise one.” Out of the 21 course staffers, Michaels was the only one to not be invited to a single dinner.

10 Ways to Your TF’s Heart

Maybe you have a crush, or maybe you’re just trying to make up for not reading any of the twelve assigned books. Either way these are ten highly effective ways to your TF’s heart:

 

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Student Devastated After Hot TF Won’t Put Out Post-Faculty Dinner

What began as a seemingly perfect date night ended in utter tragedy this past Tuesday night as Kirkland Sophomore Jeremiah Fisler came to the realization that Sarah Silverson, his 27 year-old Sex and the Citizen TF, would not put out – even after two glasses of Kirkland’s finest Chateau Domaine de I’Eglise.

Fisler ensured that his extending an invitation to Silverson was not simply a ploy to bring up his less than satisfactory C- in the class, claiming that he honestly loved Sarah and was honored to be able to spend any time with her, if only for one night.

Teaching Fellow Mistakes Head-Scratch for Raised Hand

On Friday, Steve Pilker, graduate student and teaching fellow for Anthropology 145: The Surprising Lives of the Russian Pigeon Stalkers, reportedly led a class section and mistook for a raised hand what was in reality only a clandestine head scratch. After asking an open-ended question regarding the Pigeon Stalkers' unique feather-based writing system, Pilker reportedly began looking in turn at each student in the conference room before latching onto Mike Rogers, a junior whose psoriasis had compelled him to lift a hand above shoulder level.