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Area Man Downloads Tinder for Fourth Time Because, Fuck, Grandparents Married at 20

A man holds a phone.
ALEXANDRIA, VA – Upon realizing today that, Jesus H. Christ, he is already three years older than his grandparents when they married, local 23-year-old Josh Keegan has downloaded the popular hookup app Tinder for the fourth time.
 
"I mean, holy shit, when she was my age, Nana had already given birth to Aunt Linda," Keegan reported as he hastily deleted "[Aquarius emoji], if you care about that sort of thing" from his bio. "Obviously it was a different time, but damn, I don't think I've even been on a date since Kelsey."
 

Guy on Tinder Seems Really Outdoorsy

Who's taking these pictures, Brian?

TINDER – Reports are in that a local Tinder profile belonging to "Brian" seems really into outdoor activities like traveling, hiking, and camping. In addition to his first two pictures being of him at a national park, the third one is a picture of him sitting on some rock or something. Altogether these photos paint an undeniably outdoorsy picture of Brian.

LinkedIn and Tinder Announce Merger

Professional networking site LinkedIn and dating app Tinder announced today that the two firms had merged in order to provide users with the "ultimate fusion of work and play." The new 'professional dating' site/app, called LinkedInder, allows people to network as never before. 
 
"We were initially looking for something more casual, but our interests just happened to match! Lets see where this leads..." a corporate officer from Tinder told Satire V.