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Obama, Trump Bond Over a Game of Drone Strikes

WASHINGTON - As tensions appear to mount between President Barack Obama and President-elect Donald Trump, the two met at the White House today to get to know each other better by playing a rousing game of drone strikes.
 
"Ooo, look Barack! I got one!" said Trump as Obama showed him the ropes this afternoon in the Situation Room.
 
"Uh, actually, you missed. You were supposed to hit the Taliban hideout next to the playground," responded Obama. "But no worries. Happens all the time."
 

Physician Declares Donald Trump “Healthiest Man Alive” As President-elect Coughs Up Blood

NEW YORK, NY -- After a physical examination early Thursday morning in which Dr. Harold N. Bornstein M.D., Donald J. Trump’s physician, watched the President-elect cough up blood and eat three Big Macs on his exam table, Bornstein today released the following statement: “Donald Trump is the healthiest man alive. He is in perfect shape. I’ve never seen a healthier man in my life.”

LEAKED: Donald Trump's Cabinet Picks

As pundits and reporters continue to speculate about whom Donald Trump will pick to fill key roles in his administration, Satire V has exclusively acquired a list of President-elect Trump's picks:

 

Secretary of Transportation: Chris Christie

Russian Ambassador: Vladimir Putin

Secretary of Homeland Security: Jason Bourne

Secretary of Homeland: Claire Danes

Questions We Would Like to Hear Asked at the Last Presidential Debate

LAS VEGAS, NV -- The final presidential debate between Republican nominee Donald Trump and Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton is this evening at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. Ahead of the debate, we at Satire V compiled a list of burning questions we would like to hear the candidates answer:

Christie: No Number of Skittles Can Kill Me

TRENTON, NJ -- New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R-Otund) held an emergency press conference late Tuesday night regarding Donald Trump Jr.'s comments equating refugees to Skittles. 

"You think some puny rainbow M&M knockoff candies could bring me down? Yeah, sure, buddy, and like I'm not the vice presidential nominee," Christie screamed from his podium.

Report: Donald Trump Smells Bad

ITHACA, NY -- A new study by a group of scientists at Cornell University has proven that Donald Trump smells bad.
 
The study, conducted over the course of six months, was meant to dispel any persistent myths about the candidate's foul odor. However, the scientists were shocked by what they found.
 

LEAKED: Other Things the Yale Republicans Endorse

NEW HAVEN, CT -- After the Yale College Republicans endorsed GOP nominee Donald Trump for President today, Satire V obtained an exclusive list of other things the Yale Republicans endorse. Here is just a small sample from that list:

I’m Gonna Erase the 22nd Amendment

By Nicolas Cage
 
After finding the fabled treasure passed down all the way from the Ancient Egyptians to the American Freemasons (plus whatever else I found in National Treasure 2), some people would think that my taste for wealth and adventure is satisfied. Those people are idiots. I’m Nicolas fucking Cage.
 

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