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New Gay Icon Just Bowling Ball in Wig

A pink bowling ball wearing a blonde wig

BRUNSWICK BOWLING LANES, LOWELL MA — Still hot off the disappointment of Lady Gaga’s Joanne and desperate for any object to look up to, gay millennials across the nation have started a fandom that worships a size 8 pink bowling ball in a blonde wig as their new icon.

#NotSemiticPhilology151 Reports Overwhelming Success

CAMBRIDGE, MA—In what its organizers have declared “a breakthrough moment,” the grassroots movement #NotSemiticPhilology151 is taking credit for the minuscule number of students registering for this fall’s session of Introduction to Northwest Semitic Epigraphy.