WASHINGTON, D.C.- Three days after the shutdown of the federal goverment, the United States emergency backup government is at last up and running.

In their first few hours running things in Washington, backup Congress, formed by randomly selected Americans across the country, sent nearly sixty bills to the President’s desk, including the controversial Animal Calls Act (ACA) on which neither Republicans nor Democrats could agree. The ACA along with the others are awaiting signature by the backup president Joe Bernelli (Party? I’ll show you a party!- NY), a native New Yorker who previously managed a deli shop. 

“Dogs woof. Cats meow. And who the hell cares what foxes say, am I right?– let’s sign these fellas so I can get back to my sandwiches,” said President Bernelli before taking a sip of his Bud Light.

We asked backup Congressman Barry Tilnor (I’m a Dog Guy- IN) how the backup Congress was able to be so productive at doing someone else’s job.

“Well that’s just it,” said Congressman Tilnor, “these aren’t our jobs. We don’t get paid to do this, and we don’t have any money on the table. At the end of the day, I get nothing out of this besides the good feeling of having done a service to my country. What more could I ask for?”

“Plenty,” responded Speaker John Boehner the morning after the shutdown as he peered into his black coffee, unable to see the reflection of the health care-defunding hero he wanted to be. 

At press time, a very disappointed backup Supreme Court discovered a new segment of the Constitution spoiling the series finale of 'Breaking Bad' before they had a chance to watch it.