WASHINGTON, D.C.- Following the conclusion of his announcement not to run for President in 2016, Vice President Joe Biden left the White House Rose Garden, entered an unmarked car, and silently drove away to an undisclosed location. From there, he walked seven blocks, stopped, looked both ways to make sure no one was following him, and turned into a dimly lit parking garage. At the end of a bleak row of empty parking spots stood a shadowy figure waiting for Biden’s arrival.
“Is it done?” asked the mysterious person.
“Would I be here if it wasn’t?” replied Biden, trying to keep his cool.
“I saw the broadcast of your speech,” said the hidden individual. “I just wanted to hear you say it.”
“I need proof,” growled an anxious Biden. “Show me the goods.”
The mysterious figure stepped out of the shadows, revealing her long bob haircut and perfectly pleated pantsuit. She pulled out a large, overflowing plastic bag with Biden’s name scrawled in Sharpie, eliciting a sigh of relief from the 47th Vice President of the United States.
“I’ve done what you wanted,” Biden clipped. “I’ve kept my end of the deal Hillary, now you keep yours.”
Clinton chuckled maniacally. “Well done Joe. I didn’t think you’d have the balls to do it.”
Biden clenched his fists in anger. “Please, just hand it over. End this!”
Clinton silently smiled as she tossed the Pumpkin-themed bag to Biden, and she disappeared back into the shadows as he rifled through the contents.
“Finally, you’re mine,” Biden said as he gleefully pulled out fistfuls of loose gummy worms and candy corn. His expression soon turned puzzled, as he furtively kept searching through the bag. “Wait… where are they…. Where are the Ringpops? No…… NOOOO… DAMN YOU HILLARY!"
