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A Budding Entrepreneur: This Man Sold His Data Directly to Third-Party Marketers

a farmer on an ipad
Just a hardworking American growing and selling his own data
OMAHA, NE—When personal information harvested from more than 50 million Facebook profiles was used to influence the 2016 election, area man Tim P. Bradford made a smart decision: He sold his data directly to third-party marketers!
WOW. Talk about the next Bill Gates! 
Instead of churning out data for the big billionaires, this hardworking American decided to circumvent the middle man and profit from his own freshly harvested information. Brilliant! 
 "Before, I spent eight years raising livestock on Farmville, and I didn't earn a single penny," said the budding Elon Musk. "Now, I can support my two kids through college."
He added proudly, "All I have to do is sacrifice my age, geographic location, and entitlement to any privacy. Not to mention tend my goats, which seem to be suffering from unusual dehydration this year. R.I.P Bessie." What a win for the little guy!
In order to make more money before a family vacation to San Diego, Bradford has started mining information about his network of friends, including their age, income, and likeliness to answer "Which Friend Has a Crush On You" quizzes due to habitual loneliness.  
"My mom's has been filling out the quiz each day, ever since my father passed away last year." he said. "That woman is a cash cow." Good point!
Bradford hopes to retire after selling six years' worth of information about his most trusted news sources, frequented brands, and favorite Kardashian sister—data that political consulting firms can then use to skew elections against his best interests. He wants you to know that the answer is Kourtney and that he's voting for Trump.
Well, there you have it folks! 
© 2018