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Capitalist Win! Nation Teaches Little Children to Sell Body Parts for Money

The free market at work.

United States of America – From the nation that has learned how to commodify everything from prisons to sex comes a powerful lesson for young children: Leave your body parts under your pillow and rely on the benevolence of an invisible hand to compensate you for natural resources you have painfully extracted!

Talk about a victory for the free market! Micro adults can expect a standardized rate of $1-2 per outside bone, with all prices subject to inflation. Extra sums go to the children of Charles and David Koch. 

Short on cash, kids? Speed up the wage payment process by binding rope around your mouth assets, tying the end to a door handle, and yanking them right out of the hole in your face! What better way to understand "trickle down" than by watching blood ooze from the spot where your front left incisor used to be? Thanks, neoliberalism! 

Trade your hard-earned money for meaningless entertainment objects mass produced by underpaid laborers in China. Or better yet, spend it on a trip to a zoological hellscape with your financial overlords, where you can watch exotic animals removed from their natural environment parade themselves for human entertainment. 

But no matter how you choose to spend your socially constructed currency, future property owners, don't forget: The whiter the better!

© 2018