In a recent study conducted by biological social linguistic psychologist Fem I. Nine at the University of Pennsylvania, researchers have found a strong correlation between use of the mobile app “Snapchat” and heightened levels of self-esteem among young women. Nine gathered data from twelve locations, including 3 middle schools, a state penitentiary, a Seven-Eleven, and a cemetery, and found that an overwhelming 346% of females interviewed had mentioned Snapchat in the open response portion of her survey, claiming it played a significant role in raising their feelings of general well-being. Unconvinced, Nine hired a team of researchers, who corroborated through multiple interviews with several young women that Snapchat indeed boosts personal self-worth.

“I just really believe that my most authentic self is going out there every time I duck-face,” a 15-year old Miss Alexxxa Star noted. “Yeah, my boobs definitely look better on it,” another said. Responses even ranged to deeper subjects, such as: “I really feel like each one is a piece of art…that lasts for 6 seconds.” References to “sexting” reportedly cropped up in the majority of responses.

Methodological concerns have arisen surrounding the bluntness of some of the survey’s questions. Examples include: “Which is prettier, you or a crocodile?” Not to be outdone, the follow-up question used was just as crass: “Are you sure? Because some of them are really stunning.” Responses ranged from the simple “crocodiles” to sobbing.

 Since the study was released last October, Nine has followed up with data suggesting that Snapchat does not relieve middle-aged self-doubt in any way.

EDIT: Post-publication research found that Ms. Nine has recently gotten a Snapchat account, and that boys like her now. From her most recent snapchat: “My boobz like it 2.”