Two months ago, Tommy Ballard
moved to California to fulfill his dream of waiting tables in Hollywood.
But after applying to every restaurant from La Bella Fica Italiana
to Dougie's Burrito Shack, Ballard
discovered just how hard it is to break into the market.

"It's all about who you know," he laments. "I have an MFA in garnish
studies and napkin origami, but Fred-the-dumbass gets the job because he's the chef's Coca-Cola connection."

Like so many out-of-work waiters,
Tommy finds himself doing whatever he can to get by as he hopes for his big break. "I'm doing all these demeaning jobs just to pay the rent and barely scrape by, like playing the villain in Spider-Man 4, and directing the new Indiana Jones movie," Ballard explains, staring bitterly at his Oscar. "Maybe someday
I'll get discovered by a caterer on the set of my latest film," he continues, his voice trailing off. "I just feel like my talents are being wasted."