APPOMATTOX COURT HOUSE – Union (Attorney) General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions recused himself today from the ongoing negotiations to end the Civil War at Appomattox Court House.

 

"I do declare several conflicts of interest," said (Attorney) General Sessions. "I've know Robby [E. Lee] for many years. I say we've enjoyed many a fine summer's day sitting on the back porch, sipping sweet tea, and discussing the peculiar institution. Therefore I must recuse myself from these negotiations."

 

After revelations that Sessions had been in contact with General Lee and other Confederacy representatives before formal negotiations began, President Lincoln politely asked Sessions to step aside.

 

Asked whether he thought this conflict of interest merited resignation, (Attorney) General Sessions replied, "Good heavens, no! I swear by all the daffodils in Dixie that I would never betray my country." Sessions then hopped on his horse, draped the Stars and Bars over the steed, and galloped off toward the horizon.