NEW HAMPSHIRE -- In a stunning turn of events at the New Hampshire Primary Debate, former Vice President Joe Biden delivered his best debate performance yet, running an effective but brutal smear campaign against presidential hopeful, former Vice President Joe Biden.

When asked to account for his voting record on busing, Biden paused for a few seconds, mumbled something about his Corvette, and then launched into a diatribe about the former senator from Delaware, saying: “If aviator-wearing chucklefuck just thinks that he can just play the center and never have any real policies, he has another thing coming.”

The former Vice President then spent the next ten minutes crafting a brutal call to action against himself, stating: “I just wish that Bernie would redistribute a can of whoop-ass on that hack.”

Biden went on to deliver his most comprehensive policy statement of the race, calling for solutions to problems that Americans like himself face daily like every room being too cold, forgetting if he took his meds for the day, and “skate punks” ruining local park’s duck pond.

Before leaving, Biden posed two difficult questions to his fellow candidates: “Why are you all so dressed up? And why are there all these cameras in my living room?”

The former VP then pumped both of his fists in the air, shouted “Yang Gang, 2020,” and walked off the stage, singing the guitar solo from Lynard Skynard’s “Freebird.”

After such an engaging showing at the debate, political analysts feel that Biden is a shoe in as the Democratic candidate.

In response to Biden’s mental instability gaining him such traction in the polls, Brad Parscale, the Trump 2020 campaign manager, asked his team: “Who the fuck told Joe our game plan?”