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Malcolm Gladwell Spends 10,000 Hours Being Fucking Stupid

Gladwell presents his findings about high school hockey players, which he in no way shoehorned into his book about outliers.

WEST VILLAGE, NY — Reports indicate that celebrated author and speaker Malcolm Gladwell, notable for promoting the assertion that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert in a field, has been hard at work practicing being a complete moron. While many dabble in being dumb, very few can say they have mastered the activity. But now, Gladwell can count himself among the preeminent idiots of the world, having devoted 10,000 hours of his life to being fucking stupid.

Gladwell has been tirelessly perfecting being an idiot for several years. Some reports indicate that he may have started quite early in his professional career, spouting banalities and falsehoods as early as his first publication and speaking engagements in 2000. For example, Gladwell asserts it is better to be a big fish in a small pond than a small fish in a big pond, and that being born in January makes you better at hockey. “What the fuck does that even mean?” responded actual sociologist Anna Young, a professor at Columbia University. “That guy sure is dumb.”

Some experts contend that only 50 to 100 hours of practice being fucking stupid is necessary to achieve mastery, but Gladwell has taken his own advice and has put in 10,000 hours and counting. “I considered abandoning my role as a pseudo-intellectual, but I decided instead to keep at it, and become the most moronic physical embodiment of a TED Talk that ever lived. Kind of like how The Beatles became music experts!”

As of press time, Gladwell had only spent 8,000 hours being insufferable, but according to his publisher he is currently working on another book.


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